A Journey Through the Houses of Self: Exploring Identity, Mental Health, and Belonging in Freda Epum's "The Gloomy Girl Variety Show"

The Unconventional Structure of Home

Freda Epum's debut, "The Gloomy Girl Variety Show," is a captivating exploration of self, cleverly disguised as a house-hunting expedition. Mirroring the format of HGTV's "House Hunters," the book's three sections – "House #1," "House #2," and "House #3" – take us on a tour through the narrator's life, touching upon themes of performance, Blackness, femaleness, mental illness, and the challenges of being an artist and intellectual.

This unique structure plays with the allure of the American Dream, particularly our obsession with reality TV, while simultaneously deconstructing it. It's a journey through the various "homes" the narrator inhabits—physical, emotional, and mental—as she navigates the complexities of her identity.

House #1: The Falling Apart Foreigner Farm House

Our first stop is Epum's childhood home in Tucson, where she grew up as a first-generation Nigerian-American. We then journey to Western Massachusetts, witnessing the narrator's experiences at Smith College and the harrowing realities of institutionalization for undiagnosed mental illness. This "house" represents the foundations of identity and the challenges of navigating different cultural landscapes.

House #2: The Bountiful Blackness as Fear Bungalow

This "house" is the body, specifically the Black female body, and the performance of Blackness in America. It explores the complexities and vulnerabilities of inhabiting this body within a society grappling with its own racial biases. Here, the narrative delves into the lived experiences of Black women and the unique challenges they face.

House #3: The Imperfectly Ill Island Abode

Our final destination takes us deep inside the narrator's mind, exploring the intricacies of mental illness. This "house" is both real and imagined, a refuge built in Cincinnati, Ohio. This section offers a powerful glimpse into the process of self-discovery and the creation of a personal sanctuary amidst internal struggles.

A Fragmented yet Accessible Narrative

Epum's storytelling is as unconventional as her structure. The book is a mosaic of fragments, poems, quotes, images, and footnotes, spanning centuries. It shifts perspectives, playing with the boundaries of creative nonfiction and exploring the myriad ways a Black woman can reclaim her narrative.

Despite its fragmented nature, the book remains remarkably accessible. It invites readers to pause, reflect, and discover new layers of meaning with each rereading.

Finding Home Within the Self

Epum's journey is a testament to the power of self-acceptance and the ongoing pursuit of belonging. Through her exploration of different "homes," she ultimately finds solace not in a physical place, but within herself.

The idea of "home" evolves throughout the book, shifting from a place of safety to a space of risk-taking and reconnection with her Nigerian heritage. This evolution mirrors the narrator's personal growth and her evolving understanding of her own identity.

The Power of Vulnerability and Connection

By sharing her personal experiences with vulnerability and artistry, Epum creates a powerful connection with readers. Her story resonates with those who have struggled with mental health, identity, and the search for belonging. It's a reminder that these journeys are continuous and that true "home" can often be found within ourselves.